Russia
Shortly before I left to go back home I met my future husband. We
became friends. After I arrived back home my sister, who by that time
graduated from high school, and I decided to move from our home town to another city to go to school there. We started attending a small branch there. My
sister, to my greatest joy, decided to get baptized into the LDS religion four
months after my return home.
I held many callings in our branch and did what was expected of me. I followed the manuals in all the
lessons I taught and didn’t ask questions. Although the imperfect human that I
was and still am, I tried complying with the requirements of my religion. I
believed everything the leaders taught at the General Conference. I was in Zion now and all was well in Zion.
America
During the five years of going to school, my future husband and I kept corresponding and communicating online. Finally, a year before my
graduation, he came to my home town to propose to me. He also
baptized my mom. A year later, after I graduated, my family and I flew to America and he and I were married in the temple.
We became
parents. He was working. I was at home. I tried to fit in the church. I tried
to belong. I felt as if a big part of me fell asleep. I couldn't help noticing the great admiration and adoration of church leaders. It was hard not to notice. Follow-the-prophet song taught to very young children. Pictures of general authorities everywhere.
People standing up when they enter the room (although sitting down in the
temple while making covenants with our Lord). Huge concerts given to celebrate the President’s
birthday. The list goes on. All these things seemed too lavish and extravagant for
the Lord’s humble servants. I felt like something was seriously wrong but I
couldn’t put my finger to it. I could clearly see now that there were no
miracles happening in the church. No angelic visitations and visions and
talking in tongues, casting out devils, etc. Miracles so common in the times of
Joseph Smith. It became obvious to me that “these things have
ceased [and] wo [was] unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief,
and all is vain.” (Moroni 7:37.)
