My Journey, Part 1

My husband and I decided to start a blog in order to share with friends and family our testimony of Christ and the Restored Gospel, our spiritual journey and the reasons why we resigned from the LDS Church. We do not want to argue or force our beliefs or understanding on anybody. We only want to share with those interested where we are coming from. We respect everybody’s individual choice to “worship how, where, or what they may.” It makes both of us uncomfortable to share our personal beliefs with the whole world in such a manner and we only do it because we feel inspired to do it. Not because we want any kind of attention negative or positive.

We hold no ill will and have nothing but gratitude and love for the members of all the wards we ever attended and sincerely wish everybody the best. We both believe the Gospel restored by God through Joseph Smith to be true. We want to live in accordance with the Restored Gospel to the best of our ability.

I will try and share my journey in the series of posts as to not tire everybody by one epic novel of a post.

Growing Up

I am a foreign Immigrant. I was born and raised in one of the former Soviet Union republics. I was born and in a "normal" soviet family. My family was not religious. We didn't talk about God much. I remember thinking about God when I was little. I think I asked my mother or grandmother if God was real but I don’t remember what they said. Later on, I realized that they both believed or at least wanted to as they both became open with expressions of faith. I remember watching a cartoon about the kids who had a time machine and traveled to different stories or events in the Bible. That cartoon really touched me. The Soviet Union collapsed when I was 10.

As I got older I was more and more interested in the spiritual things. I would read my mom’s books on energy and chakras and meridians. I remember how I once read about creating an energy ball and tried doing it and succeeded. I could feel the energy buzzing between my palms! I was always reading something about these kind of things. At one point I was really fascinated by the series of books about a young spiritually-gifted woman living in Russian wilderness. I remember when I got my first Bible in my teens. I remember reading about Christ. Something about Him resonated deeply with my soul. I decided to get baptized in the Russian Orthodox Church when I was 16.

My Conversion and Baptism of Fire

After I graduated from high school I decided to go to the U.S. as a foreign exchange student for a senior year in American high school. When I was 15, I started taking English language classes at school and also privately. I loved English from the start and felt it was the subject I could really excel in. Therefore my desire to go to America for a year made sense to my parents. I won’t bore anybody by telling you about my homesickness or culture shock.  I know for a fact that it was God’s will for me to come here.

I had some problems with host families so I had to find a new family to host me toward the second half of my stay here. By the turn of events, the family who opened their home and their hearts to me were LDS. I am very grateful for their willingness to welcome me into their family and for their generosity and love. The high-school teacher who introduced me to my new host family (he was a member of the Stake Presidency) shared a Book of Mormon with me. I read it fast. I decided to go and pray to God in my room one day. I prayed to be forgiven and to know the Truth.

I had something amazing and very hard to describe happen to me when I prayed. I felt Love encircle me. I felt a presence in the room. It was so intense and so sweet and so pure and it felt like burning. I felt it spiritually and physically. It was very real and tangible and the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. I didn’t know for many years what exactly that experience was. Only recently did I understand that it was the Baptism of Fire. Just like the Lamanites of old, “… at the time of their conversion, were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not” (3 Nephi 9:20), I too had no idea of what happened to me for many years.

Here’s an interesting quote by Joseph Smith I found on one of the blogs I frequent: “This first Comforter or Holy Ghost has no other effect than pure intelligence. It is more powerful in expanding the mind, enlightening the understanding, and storing the intellect with present knowledge, of a man who is of the literal seed of Abraham, than one that is a Gentile though it may not have half as much visual effect upon his body; for as the Holy Ghost falls upon one of the literal seed of Abraham, it is calm and serene; and his whole soul and body are only exercised by the pure spirit of intelligence; while the effect of the Holy Ghost upon a Gentile, is to purge out the old blood, and make him actually of the seed of Abraham. That man that has none of the blood of Abraham (naturally) must have new creation by the Holy Ghost. In such a case, there may be more of a powerful effect upon the body, and visible to the eye, than upon an Israelite, while the Israelite at first might be far before the Gentile in pure intelligence.” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p.149 – 150.)

I consider this quote a real gem as it gave me a lot to ponder on in relation with my conversion experience.

Needless to say I asked to be baptized as soon as possible and even asked if the missionary discussions could be taught all at once (they couldn’t).  My baptism followed very soon.

I was blown away by the message of the Restored Gospel. God brought His Truth through a boy named Joseph Smith! I thought, “God gives visions and revelations and miracles now as He did in the times of old.” My own miraculous experience that I couldn’t even explain was proof of that. I was excited to belong to a church which had these kind of things happen to such an imperfect convert as myself. After all: “… has the day of miracles ceased? Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he withheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved? Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain.” (Moroni 7:35-37.)